Monday, January 26, 2009

Have you ever had a day, week, or month where you are just down? Well this is my month or year for that apparently. I am going through a lot right now. I don't want to go into detail, but I just need some encouraging words right now. I know that what is happening to me has got to be normal, but I can't take it. We are having some marriage issues, and I don't know where this will go. I want so badly to be with my family in Alabama, and I think that might have a lot to do with why I'm feeling this way. I don't know what is giving me that desire to go home, but it is worse than it was when I first moved out here. And the crazy thing is, I love Texas. That's why I'm so confused. I don't want to be in Alabama, but I want my family. I have missed ALL of my newphews first everything, and it hurts. None of my family gets to see Ant's firsts or be here for everything going on, and I just can't take it. I have wonderful friends and family here, but what do I do now? How do I please everyone? I thought I was doing pretty damn good being away from all my family, but I'm starting to see that I'm not. So I'm torn, and I have no idea what to do. I just want to lay in bed and cry right now....I need some advice.


Anonymous said...

look ash...i was away from my family for the first five years of my marriage and i was the same way....very home sick but the best part of that is that you can go home and visit and then stay where you love to be....Things will be ok and if you are missing home that much go for a visit soon and then you will feel better. I promise. I know how much you love your life here dont let being home sick ruin what you you

Mom said...

Ash , I love you very much and Im so very sorry your having problems. I have been where your at. I know how hard it is to be away. Some times are easier than others to be away. When my Dad was ill and passed away, when Arline really could have used some help, my Mom needing help, those are all horrible times to be away. You get thru it by putting one foot in front of the other. You take ever second as you can and before you know it your at an easy time again. Here is what I had to realize, I go "home" to be with my parents, sisters, bothers, but lose my husband and daughters. I don't mean you were going to leave me I mean my "family" as I know and love it would be gone. I made the best choice for me, it was time for MY family to be first. I do not regret that decsion, never have. Your marriage problems are not deal breakers if you answer yes to the question, Do you love him? If so then go to counseling, get rid of or tell anyone & everyone who is poisioning your thoughts and his to stay out of it, and more importantly mean it. I know your a much happier person in Texas, thats the first thing I say to people who ask how your doing. I'm very proud of you & Chris. I know you think it has nothing to do with it but when a close friend suddenly becomes single its easy to look at that and think man that looks like fun. When you do that think about the late nights when your sick and Chris is there to help. Think about Christmas eve when you two spent the day putting together the kids toys. Think about the times when its just you & Chris, those are the times you will miss and she doesn't have any longer. I'm not knocking anyone's situation I know there are reasons for divorce and I know it hurts her that she is alone. I just want you to realize the grass is not always greener. Again my meter for me was always that 1 question if you answer Yes, get out of bed & start working on how to improve your situation. I love you and I want you home but not at the expense of you husband and kids. I would rather have you there HAPPY with your family than here struggling and missing Chris. I know you Love him, he is the only one in VERY long time that I actually see you laugh with. I'm not sure if its with him or at him.....:) Remember I'm here for YOU and you can call me anytime. I Love you

Meghan said...

Hey girl. I have never been where you are, but my brother in law and sister in law are. They just had their first baby, in Colorado with no family and everything. Their little girl is our first neice and we are missing her stuff too. I know not living by your family would be hard, and I can hardly imagine it. But what I do know is that everything happens for a reason and God is in Control. We go through seasons in our life when we just don't know why, how, or what to do, but God does. Turn to Him and he will get you through. Things for me have been tough w/2 kids and I have been going through a lot too. So I understand wanting to stay in your bed and cry. You and Chris have been through a lot, and I know you can make it through this. I have no idea what is going on, but I know both of you are strong. Your friends and family love y'all. There is a time and a reason for every season, read Ecclesiastes 3. You are a great wife and a great mom, keep your head up. Y'all can make it through. I will put you on my prayer list. Let me know if you need anything.

Jenny said...

Alright Ashley!

So I went to Japan for 3 years where I had both of my babies and lord knows what I went through! The thing I did find though is that missing my famiyl so much I would try to find reasons out! But I knew I loved Josh!

You have a beautiful family! Give your marriage over to the lord and pray everyday! You guys can make it happen! Love ya!

I will be praying for you!

The Wade's said...

Hey girl. I want you to know that I'm praying for y'all right now.

Marriage is not easy. It's not always fun. It's hard work, and it can get very messy. Whatever you and Chris are going through, if you love him, then things can work out.

Have you considered talking to your doctor? A combination of homesickness, parenting, and just life can just kick you in the butt sometimes. Your doctor may have some suggestions (or low-dose medication) that may help some.

Please keep us posted Ashley. You are a great person, and things will get better!