Wednesday, July 15, 2009

Not At All Wordless Wednesday

This post has been in my mind for a few nights, but I've never sat down to type it. These last few days have been hard on me to say the least. Hell this summer has been hard on me! I don't know what more I can take, or what I need to do to change things, but I need to do something.

Speed Racer is gone with his dad and has been since June 4, this is the longest he has been gone and it is killing me. I'm so anxious all the time, and I'm just ready for him to be home, he will be this Saturday though and I can not wait. I got to see him a few weeks ago for the day. I flew into St.Louis for a few days because my uncle was in ICU. It was nice to visit with Speed Racer and my family, but not under those circumstances. I am glad I was able to be there in St.Louis with my family during that time. My uncle did pass away the night I flew home, while I was on the plane. I was ready to be home with my babies, and had made the decision to go ahead and go home early. I could not bear to see my uncle in an ICU bed any longer. It was killing me. I'm sad that I wasn't there after he passed to help support my family, but I'm also thankful I wasn't there when he passed, I don't know that I could have handled that. My grandmother (who I was named after, my dad's mom) also passed away while I was on my way home from seeing her when she was in the ICU in 2004. Both of them waited until I left the hospital and was heading home, to leave this place. I have been told that your loved ones do that with people that they know would not be able to handle them passing, I don't know if this is true or not, but I would like to think that is what happened. None the less I still have the regret that I didn't attend either funeral, and that I wasn't there when they passed. My uncle's passing made me realize that life is short, and that you are not guaranteed another day. He was not 100% healthy by no means, but he was living pretty well until about a week before he passed, and before we knew it he was in Cardiac arrest and never came out of it. It was a shock to me, and I'm still confused. How could it have happened so fast? How did no one notice that he was so sick? The doctor's had to have none he was getting close to this. I don't know. I'm just confused, and sad. I am not ready to loose either one of my parents, and to think that my three cousins who are all around my age, had to go through this hurts. I hate it! I think everyday about the family that he left behind, and how we will never have another memory with him, it hurts.

Monkey also has me kind of down in the dumps, not him, but his situation. I am tired of doctors, I'm tired of needles, I'm tired of xrays, I'm tired of tests, I'm tired of bottles, I'm tired of therapies. I'm just tired. I spend way to much time at the hospital or therapy with him, that he has no clue what a normal childhood is. He shouldn't have to have his blood drawn every other month, and have tests after tests. His poor little face the second he notices we are in the doctor's office is heartbreaking. He hates going! I hate putting him through all of this, but I have no choice. It is so aggravating to go somewhere and talk to someone about him. I'm so tired of hearing "Oh sweetie he is fine! They won't find anything wrong with him, look at how healthy he is! He's walking and talking that's great!" No it's not, and yes he is sick. YOU just can't tell. Just because he walks doesn't mean he doesn't have a left side weakness. Just because he eats normally and drinks from a sippy cup doesn't mean he doesn't choke and have to have thick it in every cup. Just because he isn't on high blood pressure medicine doesn't mean it isn't high. Just because he isn't purple at the moment, doesn't mean he won't be in an hour. Just because he is not terrible skinny, doesn't mean he is growing right. Just because he throws a tantrum like a normal two year old boy, doesn't mean he is 100% well. He isn't. He is sick. He has something wrong, and until I get a definite diagnosis I will not stop! I know that since I'm young people think I have no clue what I'm talking about, but I do. I've known since the moment I found out he was not growing at 33 weeks that something was wrong, when I lost weight at the end of my pregnancy, when he was so small at birth, breathing problems, pneumonia, bronchitis, weakness, stomach problems, fevers, temper, aspiration, everything. I knew with every symptom something is wrong with him. Yes he is bright eyed and very active, but it is the things that you can not see. It the extra things that I have to do to make his life easier. Those you don't see in the pictures or in person. So I'm tired of hearing "oh he's fine", etc. The truth is he is not. Some of his most recent tests have come back fine. However his AST levels were elevated and I am hoping to know more about this soon. We still have a lot of tests to get back, but so far it's ok news. I'm just down in the dumps if you can't tell. I hate that he is going through this, and I wish I could take it all away, but I can't. Please keep him in your prayers. We both need it right now.

I think I'm done complaining and rambling but I needed to get that out.

Tuesday, July 14, 2009

The Winner IS.......

The winner for the drawings are as follows:

A: Joyce

Make sure to get with me about where to send the prizes. My email address is! Thanks so much for playing, and the theme we chose is Curious George.

Monday, July 13, 2009

Blog Hop!

3 Things you didn't know about me

  1. I am a very picky mother. My children are sheltered to say the least. I do not allow television Monday through Friday for my children, and candy is very seldomly allowed either. I even dislike it on holidays. I have no idea why I am so stuck in my ways about these things, but I'm glad that I am my kids find other things to do rather than sit on the couch and watch television.
  2. I do not eat breakfast, and if I do it's not your traditional breakfast. It's something quick like a candy bar, or banana, or even a plate of dinner reheated from the night before. ha! But yes my kids do eat a good breakfast.
  3. I'm very good with numbers, I do a very good job balancing checkbooks, and preparing a budget. Now sticking to that budget, no way! But I can do someone else's no problem!! I would love to be an accountant. But I do have a little OCD when it comes to numbers. It's odd and I can't really explain it but I am always adding or pair numbers together. It's weird.

Be sure to join in on the Blog Hop!! have a great Tuesday. Make sure and enter my drawing it ends Today around 11am!! It is a few posts down.

MckLinky Blog Hop

Not Me! Monday

If you would like to join in click the Not Me! Button and begin! MckMama is hosting and it is always fun to see what others moms did not do!

I did not Allow Princess to wear a gymnastics outfit and cowboy boots to swim in last night.
I did not go to garage sales on Saturday and buy two of these wonderful cars so that we would have a little less fighting in the yard. Nope Not ME!!
Also while out at said garage sale I did not buy a baby sling when my child is almost two and expect him to be a happy monkey in it! No way! I also did not tell my neighbor what I had not done and then get exicited when she offered to loan me her very pretty one instead. I most certaintly did not borrow it for the next few wekks and put monkey in it first thing this morning. Oh and I do not plan on taking it to the doctor with us today! Nope Not ME!!
Have a great Monday and a Wonderful week, we are off to the doctor. Don't forget to enter in the giveaway below. It ends tomorrow!!! Good luck!

Friday, July 10, 2009

Birthday Party Dilema

It will end Tuesday July 14th

I have two birthday parties to plan and set up for in August, I'm starting now because, I am leaving on July 24th and will be in Alabama until the day before Princess' party on the 8th. Anyways, Princess is doing Disney Princess (yes again!) I can not change her mind for anything. Monkey of course can't tell me what birthday party he wants, and since we do not watch television Monday through Friday and on the weekends we are sooo busy we don't watch television then either, he doesn't have a favorite anything. He loves cars, elmo, and eating.ha! I have several ideas and I want to get your opinion, which one do you think would best suite Monkey? Please help me! I have less than two weeks to get this done, because once Princess' birthday comes, we have school starting then Monkey's. So here are some pictures of what I'm thinking. Tell me which one you like by the number. I will pick a winner at random . So here are the rules:

Enter one time and tell me which birthday theme you think would be good (1-5) and which item you would like be entered in the drawing for (a-c). I will pick a winnerTuesday morning and announce it on my blog, so be sure to check back around noon Tuesday 7/14/2009 to see if you won. If you pass the word on that I'm having a giveaway, you can enter a second time as well. Pass the word on through email, blog, myspace,facebook, twitter, phone, how ever you want to! Thanks!!


Here is what you could win:



Thursday, July 09, 2009 Check out Sandra's blog, she is giving away some really great items! It is her 100th post, and she has so many drawings for you to be entered into! She will close the drawing on July 14th so be sure to stop by her blog today to be entered!! Have a happy Thursday!!

Tuesday, July 07, 2009


This is my favorite photo this week. It is monkey from Doogoland. He LOVED the slide! Go ahead and join in to the Blog Hop!

MckLinky Blog Hop

Monday, July 06, 2009

princess swimming

I'm following MckMama and posting Not Me Monday today.

On Friday night when we had a party for the hubby's grandparents 50th anniversary I was not so thrilled with how beautiful I thought I was that I took 15 pictures of me on the way to the resturant, and then when I got home I most certainly did not have princess take pictures of me at 11:00pm because the hubby was already sleeping. NOT ME!!

I also did not let princess take a picture of just my shoes (because she wanted to) and then post those on Myspace. NOT ME!

While on a trip to Doogoland I did not let monkey run around with only one shoe on. I would never let him run around like a crazy child. NOT ME!

Hope you enjoyed! If you'd like to join in click the banner above! Thanks!

Don't forget you can ask me any questions. I'll keep it open until tomorrow.